Steven Seagal in 'Machete' - vid (NSFW)

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Machete is an upcoming action exploitation film, directed by Robert Rodriguez and Ethan Maniquis. The film will star Danny Trejo in his first lead role as the title character. The film also stars Michelle Rodriguez, Cheech Marin, Lindsay Lohan, Don Johnson, Jessica Alba, Steven Seagal, Robert De Niro, Jeff Fahey, Cheryl Chin and Rose McGowan. The film is an expansion of a fake trailer Rodriguez directed for the 2007 film Grindhouse and centers around the character of Machete Cortez, who previously appeared as the uncle of the protagonists in the more family friendly Spy Kids films. Filmed in autumn 2009, the movie will be released in the United States on September 3, 2010 by 20th Century Fox.[2]

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The film focuses on Machete (Trejo), a renegade former "Mexican Federale". After a shakedown with a druglord (Seagal), Machete roams the towns and streets of Texas looking to do yard work in exchange for money. Michael Benz (Fahey), a local businessman and spin doctor, explains to Machete that McLaughlin (De Niro), a corrupt senator, is sending hundreds of illegal immigrants out of the country. In order to stop this, Benz offers Machete $150,000 to kill McLaughlin. Machete accepts the murder contract. As Machete attempts to assassinate McLaughlin during a rally, he is double-crossed and one of Benz's henchmen shoots him. It is revealed that Benz orchestrated the entire attempted assassination as part of a false flag operation to gain public support for McLaughlin's harsh anti-immigration laws. By setting up Machete as the patsy, the conspirators make it appear that an outlaw illegal Mexican immigrant has tried to assassinate the senator.

A wounded Machete is taken to a hospital to be treated for wounds, and escapes from the guards before he can be arrested. Agent Sartana (Alba), a persistent U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement agent, is sent by her superior, Lt. Stillman (Johnson), to go find and capture the injured Machete. Machete, with the help of Luz (Rodriguez), a saucy taco slinger, recruits Padre Benito del Toro (Marin), Machete's "holy" brother. To take revenge on Benz, Machete kidnaps Benz's wife and his daughter, April (Lohan), who has a penchant for guns. After encountering Machete, Sartana begins to have a special interest in the blade slinger. Machete rallies a group of illegal immigrants together, and begins to hunt the people who double crossed him. [3]

Cast
Danny Trejo as Machete, "a legendary ex-Federale with a deadly attitude and the skills to match."[4]
Steven Seagal as Torrez, a druglord.[5]
Michelle Rodriguez as Shé, "a sexy taco-truck lady with a rebellious spirit and revolutionary heart."[6]
Jeff Fahey as Booth, "a ruthless businessman with an endless payroll of killers."[7]
Cheech Marin as Padre, "a priest who's good with blessings, but better with guns."[8]
Lindsay Lohan as The Sister, "nun with a gun."[9]
Don Johnson as Von, "a twisted border vigilante leading a small army."[10]
Jessica Alba as Sartana, "a beautiful Immigrations Officer torn between enforcing the law and doing what is right."[11]
Robert De Niro as The Senator[12]
Rose McGowan as Ginger, hired by Benz
Electra and Elise Avellan as The Sexy Nurses at the hospital where Machete is treated.[13]
Cheryl Chin as Torrez's Henchwoman[14]
Tom Savini as Unknown character. He was seen in the first official trailer as a man with a machine gun who Machete stalked.
Daryl Sabara as Julio
Carlos Gallardo as Deputy Carlos
Alicia Rachel Marek as June Benz, socialite wife of Benz and April's mother.[14]
Tim Roth as Agent Orange, the title character of Quentin Tarantino's rumored fake trailer.[15]
Rick Yune as Li Chan, Agent Orange's South Vietnamese Sidekick.
Sacha Baron Cohen as Colonel Weathers, in the Agent Orange trailer.
Stacy Keach as Doc Franklin, the rumored antagonist of the fake trailer.